Sunday, October 27, 2013

Life Changes

I am reticent to begin blogging on a day which sees a close friend bury his daughter after her sudden death this week, but I must. Not to trivialize loss, I had to call my own daughter schooling in Prague who has had to fight to find her path in life and just hear her voice. I cannot even begin to imagine how losing one's own child can be survived. The burning comment left in its wake must be: "I should have …"

Life holds regret. If there is anything I've learned in the past 2 years since seriously blogging its that. I used to think that it was avoidable but I'm beginning to believe it's not, unless you are completely devoid of care for others well-being. Bone chilling, mind numbing, soul filling regret will be seen, felt and lived through. Sometimes very publically. I regret a few things I've done. And I even regret some relationships I'd made.

But I don't regret the decision to take time off from writing.

I'd like to say I took time off solely for the sake of intimacy, but I'd be lying. My primary reason was that I really had nothing positive to say for many, many months. I tried, but the personal demons I was jousting kept kicking me to the dirt. All the tricks of the past, the self-gratification, the chest-thumping-- things made more for numbing rather then feeding one's inner life--no longer provided balm for the weary, over-worked singer. For all my intense naval gazing, I had not learned an important thing clear to so many others; but for the evangelically raised, seldom sought.

Sustainable happiness found less in dogma and personal righteousness and more in deep contentment and personal peace is to be pursued and found.

But reason #2 was for the sake of intimacy. As I attempt to begin again, I'll have to more carefully weigh what I decide to divulge. My personality will always choose to give a little too much. My fiancé's does not share that malady. Some (rather, many) things are sacred so I'll find greater balance in the presentation.

La Vestale Act 2 w/ Ermonela Jaho
The good thing is, the reader benefits. She happens to be a musician as well, has her own ideas, and she's not afraid to use them. More on that soon. Let's not get ahead of ourselves.

Pacing is everything.

Next up: Impressions | Eric Lacascade Production of La Vestale @TCEOPERA. Better late then never. Monday, 28Oct 2013 is the final performance.

Final Note. Happy Birthday, Leon Natker. Leon was the General Director of Opera Theater San Diego and a regional treasure to the West Coast. He has given more young opera singers their very first gig then anyone I know. I must have met 10 or so young artists at Santa Fe this past summer who had all been supported by he and Jack Montgomery. Leon, your belief in me has always been unwavering. I owe you the very deepest debt of gratitude for giving me my very first job. I wish you the happiest of birthdays. And I can't wait to see you again next summer in Santa Fe (me, vacationing, learning music and cooking…the fiancé working).

Let's just hope it doesn't take that long for me to write again.


Michael said...

In the words of the great Sondheim "Stop worrying where you're going - Move On". You are clearly getting there Andrew, and hope the journey goes smoothly

Anonymous said...
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Anonymous said...

Welcome back! So grateful for quick respons to requests.Looking forward to more insights, professional as well as personal.

Anonymous said...

Welcome back! Very grateful for such a quick response to request.
Looking forward to read more about La Vestale production!