Getting sick always deters writing. All my good intentions of the final week were usurped by a cold that hit me like a brick. I had really wanted to share the final moments in detail but it was not to be.On the 3rd to last Parsifal, I literally had to stop singing after Act 2. Its always the hardest decision, "giving up." I've only done it one other time in the last 11 years of singing professionally. Going into the show I knew it was a bit of a crapshoot whether I'd make it through. Of course, I could have but with a good cover in the wings, I decided there was no reason pushing myself.
They say, wisdom comes with age. I must be getting old(er).
I have much more to say on this production and really hope to in the coming week. I want to finish the Shibari interview. I also have plans to do an interview with Sandra Pocceschi, assistant to Roméo. And I also want to talk about the philosophy of this production and how I relate to it. I believe however I've run out of time to interview Nicole Richardson (Stage Manager) and Roger Challenor (Technique Crew Manager), but want to express my extreme gratitude for their hard work. My hope was to give the public a "real" behind-the-scene look at the toughest job on the stage: Production.
But for now, words will have to suffice. I look forward to a return to this stage. In the filming of a documentary for ARTE yesterday I told the interviewer this has been a career all-time high. There are lessons I've learned, about myself, about my strengths and weaknesses, about relationships, and mostly about the nobility of the figurants.
I've re-learned who I am. A Positive Person. No image construction, no PR, no hype should ever determine our art or self-perception. I'm finally learning to rest in who I am, and to embrace even the warts. This entire production is Letting Go. And I've begun. Scary to think what lies ahead.
Today is the final performance. There are mics set all around. Video camera throughout the house. Broadcasts to capture. Agents visiting. And sickness to overcome. But it all ends as it began. Without fear and worry. Without even hope. Only certainty that the impact we make is bigger than our intent or motives. The effect we have on people happens without "trying." Or doing. The effect we have on people is mysterious. Often we change people and never ever know it, for we did not intend to do so. Intent, it seems, is only a small portion of life.
Another email to share, received by me this morning (name withheld):
I went to see this Parsifal three times afterwards, queuing up to get return tickets, and I feel I just can't let you leave town without throwing in a personal and heartfelt THANK YOU for what you gave us. (I considered bringing flowers the last time but hell, I'm not going to throw flowers at a guy in front of 2000 people, sorry for that).
Never before I went 4 times to the same opera production in one month, but this Parsifal has moved me and has touched me so profoundly, it has left a deep mark on me as a person. I am so glad my ears and eyes were open for this wonderful, intense experience …
Thank you for you for creating the most believable Parsifal…Thank you all. I will carry the memories of these 3 months with me for the rest of my life.
Thank you Anna Larsson for this wonderful Kundry, so scary and yet you feel so much sympathy for her.
Thank you Thomas Mayer for making the pain of Amfortas so real.
Thank you Hartmut Haenchen for making this music shine more clearly than ever.
Thank you Romeo Castellucci for all these images that will stay with me for ever.
5 comments:
Hi Andrew - glad you are feeling better, and I just wanted to say how insprimg amd dramatic it has been to follow your Castellucci Parsifal journey. Im so pleased it has been filmed, because now I will get to see the "organic whole" of his concept.
Thank you, and please keep blogging. Its becoming legendary.
All the best
Michael
Dear Andrew,
Thank you for sharing with us all what you felt and experienced during this "Parsifal".
I am one of the extras, and registered for it "only" for love of music and by curiosity for what an opera production can be. Many of the other extra's told me what I am telling you now: I am now a different person. We have learnt so much about human relationships, about ourselves, about what we are able to do, about what a group can do which a single individual could not, about the force a crowd can bring to an event - any event: this one was meant to be cultural, it turns out to be philosophical, sociological, psychological, relational... universal.
None of us will ever forget this experience; we thought it would be bring us some egocentric satisfaction: it brought us much more, the pride to be "one among all" and, together, to be able to build a community and bring another meaning to the powerful and universal message which "Parsifal" conveys.
This "Parsifal" has brought us back to the essence of the meaning of life itself, through this deeply felt experience of "life together".
Thank you, Andrew, to have been one of us all these weeks.
Fare well! And don't be afraid of what life will bring you. Until the end, treasures flourish along the road.
Isabelle
Dear Andrew,
This is the end of our common adventure. Thank you very much for having shared your passion with us. I, like all the other extras, have had a wonderful time getting involved in such a deep, rich and emotional adventure. These months have run too fast. But at the same time, this is what makes this adventure so wonderful and exceptional : it has an end. And there was no time for the routine to invade us. We've enjoyed every day, every moment, every minute with the same enthusiasm and the same joy. I will never forget it. I wish you the best.
Nathalie
Dear Andrew,
it was a real pleasure to follow your comments and hear you sing so beautifully !
Hope your voice felt comfortable again yesterday ?
I am happy for you that this production has caused so much of a change and evolution as a human being and in the spirit. It is moving to read about your personal "letting go" ...
This means that this production has delved very deep into the souls of everyone involved.
do you have some more information on the filming ? will it be broadcasted on television or is a dvd release planned ?
Also I am really interested in the documentary about the Bieito production in Stuttgart. Will it be broadcast on Arte or Mezzo ?
thanks and all the best to you, Andrew.
Hi Andrew! I finally saw this impresssive Parsifal on February 15. (yes, that day...)and it's been haunting me ever since... I can't say I could decrypt all of it, far from it, but it's working deep inside (all the more because it resonates strangely with the latest Warlikowski play I'd seen in Paris a few days before, all about what's a man's path in life, how do we relate to/rely on onthers while being essentially alone...). This experience could not have been possible without that wonderful and dedicated cast. Thanks to you all, including of course the "figurants", which I still envy for being able to actually live it from inside. But your blog has been invaluable to help us absorb what Castellucci has created.Thanks again for it. For me, the strongest moment, amongst so many others, has been the terrifying primal scream of you all in the 3rd act. In no other production of Parsifal I've seen was that instant so deeply moving!Still have goosebumps remembering it! May I end on a very precise question? What do you pick up at the very end of the show? From where i was sitting, I could not distinguish it clearly. Was it the dead snake? Well, sorry for being so long! I wish you all the best and will stay a faithful reader of your blog. Merci encore Andrew!
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