La Monnaie Parsifal | The State of Man

Final Moment of Parsifal
photo: Hugo De Pril

Today I woke up to an article on my computer called: "The Anti-Social Network: By helping other people look happy, Facebook is making us sad." It's photo is a beautiful woman, bent over her computer, forehead on palm. 

It begins "There are countless ways to make yourself feel lousy. Here's one more…Assume you're alone in your unhappiness."

"By showcasing the most witty, joyful, bullet-pointed versions of people's lives, and inviting constant comparisons in which we tend to see ourselves as the losers, Facebook appears to exploit an Achilles' heel of human nature."

"The increased opportunity to succeed in many dimensions may have led to an increased likelihood in believing that one's life is not measuring up. If you're already inclined to compare your own decisions to those of [others] and to find yours wanting, believing that others are happier with their choice than they actually are is likely to increase your own sense of inadequacy."

All of us have one desire: Lasting Fulfillment. And I admit that looking around the professional landscape often times makes me feel less than fulfilled. Over the last year, have all but halted reading anything about my tenorial counterparts. I let others keep me informed, but have pretty strict filters in place in Google Reader so I an not continually confronted with how others are doing. The articles American groupies send me, cut out of Opera News or WSJ go unread by me, skimmed by my wife and a few passed on to me, because she knows that I will invariably compare myself to others. (Only in the last month or so has a thought begun to occur in my mind, that I can be happy for others who receive recognition for their hard work, beautiful voices and talent.)

Pretty silly, I know. In working on this blog over the past few days have begun to excerpt and archive posts by productions (See over on the right panel). It is incredible how many experiences I have had in only the last 2 seasons. I forget far too easily The Journey. I am always looking ahead and wanting more, never looking back and appreciating the accomplishment I've had. Like Facebook, I see or hear adulation of others and feel it must also be mine.

Therein lies Death.

Over the past month I have very much enjoyed the exchanges with the figurants and dancers both online and in rehearsal. Through it all I've enjoyed the attention, the remarks, the respect given. Like having an extra big entourage following you around giving you props. Who wouldn't love that? I sure ain't complaining! The support given is a fantastic perk of this job.

So with all of that, why is it so hard to find lasting fulfillment?

In Roméo Castellucci's production of Parsifal "The Grail" is the quest. There is no speer or cup or religious symbol to signify the Grail. He uses black holes to signify Emptiness. The Grail is the Longing for that Emptiness to be filled. The very quest itself is the Grail. In his view, that longing is never filled and the state of man is finally seen in the end: All of us share one thing. We feel incomplete.

A few weeks ago I did a workshop with the bondage artists with 12 others participants. It wasn't kinky or anything like it. More about awareness and quietness through adversity. The single thought I took away from it was: Intimacy. We are all seeking it. All of us want the cocoon of the mothers womb, to be held, comforted and to rest. To be known and understood.

As a singer on the road I know the feeling. Too much time waiting. Never ever enough time with family. And always wanting more of everything, usually feeling that we ought to be better. My grail must be bigger. My grail can not simply be about career advancement or vocal expression. It must hold the past as well as the present and future.

I would like today to be different. Using the quietness that has pervaded this experience, my hope for the day is that I will not perfect it, but simply be there. Usually the final step taken by me is to try to *tweak* my role one last time. I'm a professional tweaker, always looking for something to fix. And today my #1 objective is not to tweak. My only desire is to be. In my tweaking, my eternal fixing, I have run so many extremes. It has shown me a lot, but that 'lot' is too often forgotten. No, today is not meant to be better than yesterday. Or if it is, it is out of my hands. Cuz today is pressure-filled. Press. People. Reviews. Judgers. Attendees with preconceived notions. The Diction Police. I can't find that final one thing to please them all, as much as I would like.

And so begins a very long embrace. This one moment that we all share. This glorious music. The spectacle of the stage. The living, breathing sigh we all share together at the end. That is enough for today. Because tomorrow it is all gone.

From Chuang Tzu: .

Only one who has seen through things understands moving freely as one and the same. In this way, rather than relying on your own distinctions, you dwell in the ordinary. To be ordinary is to be self-reliant; to be self-reliant is to move freely; and to move freely is to arrive. That’s almost it, because to arrive is to be complete. But to be complete without understanding how – that is called Tao.

Embrace Today.

Meanwhile, I have to get back to Facebook for its most exalted purpose: looking for fat, wrinkled and bald high school and college friends.

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Final Thought: Happy Birthday today to my dearest mother, Alice Richards. My thoughts are with you. Your fight with cancer this year has been inspiring and your boundless joy infectious. You've breathed your life into your 5 sons. We all love you very much and think of you every day. You are an amazing woman. Your whole life filled with one purpose, to raise men who love God.